everything you touch will
live forever
a house on a hill
or something equally familiar
a facade with hidden
but deep, blemishes
a brush of your hand
fixes the cracks
in the dusty windows
in the intricate tiles
the vines leeching the walls
they hide the delicate patterns
they cling together
innumerable
twisting and weaving
an everlasting embrace
it never breaks

him

it could be the blending
of hazel to blue
encased in a dark circle
the look they give
or the soul within the
small brown flecks

it could be the soft
cheek in the contours
or a curl to one side
the line so natural

it could be fingertips
creating electricfying warmth

or nothing simple words
can capture
at all

concentration eludes and
everything seems tinted
in a depressing state
of grey
and on the witching hour
jealous and angry and white hot
the beasts come out
to play

O, the blood and the treasure
And then losing it all
The time that we wasted
And the place where we fall

Will we wake in the morning
And know what it was all for?
Up in our bedroom after the war.

fuck the new year

it doesn't matter how many times i try
it is never a fresh start
ever

everything happens over and over
love, lies, drugs, sex, cigarettes,
bullies & mean girls

i hate all of it
i want to feel ok
i want to be normal

divagate

I'm at my breaking point.


you're the spider inches from my face
ready to pounce
ready to bite
ready to harm, to cut, to rape
you steal my feeling in the form of words
because your pain
it taught you no better
I own my own contrition
you own your imitation
a stream of unforgiving
insecurity
and your world is far from mine
but you covet another
its over but I cling to it
the thought of a difference
to divagate

i float through deep vermillion
sometims thin like air
but still so thuick it swallows
not just me, it swallows you
running is hard on sand
i stumble and fall

it's unfair
that memory
our breathing, mingled
and hot
gone and leaving
nothing

I am cradled in emptiness
A case of bones
Vast and gaping

A light shines
Underneath a doorway

Out of reach is
The next word

Staged contrition
A role play of real life
Wishing for the before
Holding breath for the after

Waiting
is a game
I don't know the rules
It's a sport
with no players
A ship with no crew

How can you be so heartless?
Apathy
is your ugly face
Your only face

It might not make sense
A cruel heart may never
Understand
Or see the living
Amongst the dead

There's a fire in my bones
And a screeching
Resounding off my soul
Ashen and ruined
Are my hands

It's not forever
They say in the distance
But it is lost
Within the cavity

A chair of bones
And ash
And light
And wine red fear

we are not afraid

when life feels like a series of darkened rooms
I turn to you, my otherworld
in my dreams I embrace them
like they never left my shattered arms
I wake and forget the way I felt
and the way I feel
I long for sweet floatations
through quiet grass stalks and blackened eyes
within I am all but truth
without the world is heavy
and to breathe is hard
in my dreams they embrace me
remembering who I was
who I am beneath the glass of my skin
while lost in raven hallways
I forget the whirl of conciousness
and can finally be

i am athena, born from the head of my father
i am wisdom, born from consumption of my mother

yes please.

there is a train track
a river underneath
it fills up to our knees
then grips tighten
say goodnight

I AM SICK OF BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLES FUCK UPS
NEXT TIME YOU CAN FUCKING HANDLE IT YOURSELF
I WON'T BE AROUND TO TAKE THE FALL

GO TO HELL.

to be honest none of this worries me
because i know you love me
and you'll come back to me

bats

there are bats in your trees
a rustle in your leaves
cigarette burns are nothing
compared to this

the squeak of your lies
not a very big surprise
never expect too much again
i tell myself

there are bats in your trees
a weakness in your knees
like a magnet upside down
driving me away

the squeak of your lies
the darkness of your eyes
it tries to swallow me whole
i break free

i do not feel the way you think i do

maybe one day, after everyone has walked away
you will realise you have to be a little more understanding

people are unpredictable
life is uncontrolable
be mad all you like because i will not waste my life fighting
when i can spend it loving and healing

i did not want to be alone anymore
and finally i'm surrounded by others
and finally i'm happy

do the same for yourself
or at least be happy for me

dear blog,

i've typed three different sentences and deleted them all.

i can't be honest with you anymore blog. how you judge me so. everything seems so confusing and yet i haven't felt this good in a while. perhaps i like the chaos of it all. the uncertainty is wonderful in fact. my inner golightly is taking hold i'm afraid. i am more and more often throwing caution to the wind. i suppose i have been honest now and i hope we can repair our friendship. oh blog, i'm ever so lost. though, i've never had so much fun in my life.