things i do a significant amount more than i should

eat
sleep
read texts while i'm sleeping
never reply
shut people out
get angry at ignorance
get angry at injustice
get angry
change my mind
actually care about other human beings

After thoughts,

you can find this and the beautiful image in my header at http://adelevk.com/art/ (she also makes great sims custom content!)

when i was younger i saw
my daddy cry
and curse at the wind
he broke his own heart
and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it
and my momma swore
that she would
never let herself forget
and that was the day that i promised
i'd never sing of love
if it does not exist

I would not write about love if it did not exsist.

It's so easy to be with him. It doesn't hurt at all to love him. Before this past 6 months I thought pain equalled love, I got scared when it did not hurt. Was I a fool or just victim of bad experience?
The others think they can find me and bring about more bruises with hard words. They are so bitter from the realisation I'm happy, healed, without them. They're just the monsters I hide from in his arms.
He's my only exception.

THE ROBOT WITH HUMAN HAIR

i've lost weight
i don't know why it's so important
it just is

i feel so healthy and renewed

my mood seems all over the place
i just want to write about 1000 different things but afraid of who will read it

i'm afraid of judgement again
well fuck it
and fuck them

i want to be stick thin and i'll starve myself to do it if i have to.
i want to be sucessful and i'll step on people to get there.
i want to stand up for my friends and i'll tell you how it fucking works to do it.

i used to be sick, but i'm not anymore. a big fuck you to the people who said i made it up or said i wouldn't make it. fuck you.

don't feel sorry for me. i made it. i'm stronger than you'll ever be. you need to envy me.
so, this is why, we don't talk anymore.

i don't know where my head is at because the people this is for will never know me enough to read this.

everyone talks about physical abuse and how it's wrong. rape and hitting. but what about the mental abuse? what about the mind rape? he's going to be back soon. i don't want him anywhere fucking near me. i'm scared shitless. manipulation has taken it's toll on me enough already. i don't want one mean word outside a bar to cut right through my scars. my insides don't match up with my outsides.

i'm sick of worrying. i hate it.

choke

my lip is bleeding, a cuff is stained, why does blood smell so good? why does it remind me of summer? a grazed knee perhaps or a bare foot on something sharp. it heals.


a motive to kill a stunt man
oh it's only fake darling, they don't really do it
they don't do it for real
they wear protection and harnesses and padding
they don't feel the way you do
are they even living at all?

oh don't envy them darling, they don't know any better
their ignorance is their prison
they walk around and around and stay oblivious
they don't feel the way you do
are they even living at all?

you live with a thousand weights on your shoulders
i try to bare some but it's never enough
it slowly crushes you
the way you feel
they could never understand

they don't feel the way you do
are they ever going to live?

I've got lies to tell your children

I'm sick of people calling me that and thinking it's an insult. It would be if I thought I was better than anyone. I don't, so it's not. It's pretty funny how people on low incomes complain that I have a good lifestyle. I don't care. My parents worked from their low incomes to their high one, and they didn't complain. Maybe you could do the same thing? I certainly plan on working hard to keep my lifestyle. Why would I want to live uncomfortably? I love my life, my friends and my family. Money has nothing to do with it. But unfortunatly in our Capitalist society I must make money to keep a home, a phone and all the extras that make life for me comfortable. It doesn't mean I think I'm superior or anything of the sort. I'm down to earth, I realise the struggles of others, and don't think something as incontinent as money seperates me from hardship. I've seen my fair share and I've lived depression and anxiety. Hard work and persistence get's you through it. Not complaining Joe Blo is upper class, or a snob. Chances are he or his family have worked hard. I appreciate everything I have and take not one cent for granted.



You're a coward and a weakling
Work! Don't complain
Possibly become human
Inside your shell of resentment
Small town blues and
Big time liars
I hate it here. I hate it here.
I will take my loves away
with me
I swear a word I should not say
FUCK
Listen to your stupidity
Your identity flawed beyond
repair
You're a coward and a weakling
With eloquence I disarm you
and with fury you spit nonsenses
You will never be anything more
You don't
WORK
for it
You are a coward and a weakling...

Art, like nature, has its monsters.

Oh Sweetie, popularity and promiscuity won't get you anywhere unless you're intelligent. And you're lacking in the brains department.

It feels like it's like this all the time. The monsters they become behind their keyboards and passwords.

Existence without intelligence is an insult to humanity. Maturity lacks in people it should be prominent within.

I sometimes wonder, don't they have lives? or something better to do?, but it makes no difference to the outcome.

Oh honey, there's no one more pathetic than you, I do believe you are the biggest bore I have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on.

I know it's cruel, there's no much I can do when you act like this.