you know what?

I'm sick of your shit.
Have a little self respect, maybe a little dignity.
It's not grown up and it's not cool.

felling uninspired

i feel fat and pale and disgusting. not feeling creative at all.
*pout*

it's a metaphor, fool

As time goes by it becomes increasingly clear that I will never learn where to properly place my trust in people. Is it a coincidence that I finally got better while they were not around? I don't think so. I think without their lying, backstabbing characters I finally could breathe freely. Now I'm suffocating again. Or are they smothering me with their deceit? I feel much healthier without them and their trivial natures surrounding me. I prefer the company of people who don’t make me feel worthless. It hurts me to cut myself off from them, but deep down I know it’s necessary to my happiness. I know it’s only a matter of time before I don’t live up to their ridiculous standards of behaviour (which they don’t even hold themselves too) and I’m made to feel worse than I do right now. I prefer the people who know my personality and don’t object to the temperamental side. I may not always be the nicest or easy-going person, but I’m only human and so are they. Humans are not perfect, ever. However I would never hurt someone on purpose or be deliberately obnoxious or plan to screw up. And it’s their choice if they choose to be friendly which such people but I don’t appreciate being lied to in any situation. Everyone, no matter how unsavoury they may be, deserves the truth.

/rant

lock down denial

Change in sights
I ain't gonna sleep tonight
This is no way for a man to live his life
Paranoid on the prisonyard pavement
For the first time

So I served time for my addiction
I pay the price for my affliction
A judge took my life with his conviction
For the last time

Lights out, lockdown
Don't make a sound
Lights out, lockdown

If I, if I, if I die inside
Would anyone realize?

If I, if I, if I deny that crime
Would I, would I serve the time?
I live a lie.

The face you show the world.

that was not something i needed right now
you choke on the words that get caught in your throat

hate
love
and a pink enamel bracelet

depressed

Everythings cloudy again. Its been that way for a while. No one noticed. I'm terrified.

Fat.

I've lost 2kgs in the past 2 days. I can lie to myself and say it's enough. Deep down I know it's not. My goal is fitting into my favourite jeans again. I hope to do this before our trip to Qld, and then I can buy a new bikini and actually look nice. Not have a tummy and fat knees. I found a stretch mark on my left knee. I actually cried. I wish I could look like her ^ but i think that's a just a dream. I don't know why it matters so much, I guess it started to matter when none of my jeans fitted and I stopped feeling attractive. I have extra baggage, I know I do. It hurts :(

oh baby please don't cry...