decision

it seems somewhere there is a point of decisiveness. maybe we're too scared to find it, or maybe it is just so elusive to us that we are unable to reach it.
i thought I'd found it with him, but nothing stays the same for very long. he has faded to a friend, a part of my heart but not what i thought he would be and stay.
in amongst my stormy inside i see you hiding there. not hiding by choice I'm sure, but merely hidden behind my suppressed fears and emotion.
i long to reach to you and show you how happiness spreads from my core when i see you. how the possibility of being so exposed once again scares me. he didn't do this to me, not like you do. i don't want my shield to be broken, you have the power to do that. fear keeps it there, keeps me from being completely transparent. if you could see right through me what would you think? i dread rejection. degradation further would damage me forever. however selfish i may be i could not stand it.
desire drives me to reach for you, though I'm scared. please catch me. I'm trusting you to love me as i trust myself to love you.