Friday, October 2


i've lost weight
i don't know why it's so important
it just is

i feel so healthy and renewed

my mood seems all over the place
i just want to write about 1000 different things but afraid of who will read it

i'm afraid of judgement again
well fuck it
and fuck them

i want to be stick thin and i'll starve myself to do it if i have to.
i want to be sucessful and i'll step on people to get there.
i want to stand up for my friends and i'll tell you how it fucking works to do it.

i used to be sick, but i'm not anymore. a big fuck you to the people who said i made it up or said i wouldn't make it. fuck you.

don't feel sorry for me. i made it. i'm stronger than you'll ever be. you need to envy me.
so, this is why, we don't talk anymore.

i don't know where my head is at because the people this is for will never know me enough to read this.

everyone talks about physical abuse and how it's wrong. rape and hitting. but what about the mental abuse? what about the mind rape? he's going to be back soon. i don't want him anywhere fucking near me. i'm scared shitless. manipulation has taken it's toll on me enough already. i don't want one mean word outside a bar to cut right through my scars. my insides don't match up with my outsides.

i'm sick of worrying. i hate it.

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