wonderland

Sometimes I think about death. The feeling I get is strange. Its like my body rejects the idea of being dead and screams "I'm alive!". There is a chill all over and it feels as though deep in side me a hole opens up. It is heavy with fear and an unknown I can not comprehend.
It scares me so much and I need at least a minute to recover.
Why do I feel this way always now? This deep hole and fear pushing out of every part of me. I know he's be able to hold me close and make it stop hurting. If I hadn't ruined his love. Life is death without him.
It scares me so much I don't think I will ever recover.